Mixed Feelings (Week 26)

I suppose I need to just write. I've put off this post for 3 weeks now, not because I've had writer's block, but because I honestly haven't known what I'm feeling.

Part of me has breathed in huge gulps of life because I'm finally working into a different stage of culture shock. All in all, I feel like I've handled this bi-cultural experience fairly gracefully, but it has been HARD and long.

I'm finding myself feeling more at home. I still have a language barrier, but it's different. Last year, WWU had us all write letters to our future SM selves. They mailed these to us recently. Mine made me cry, but one section in particular made me realize how far I've come. I wrote, "Instead of longing for the familiar, the forest, clean water, freedom, friends, and somewhere that you speak the language fluently... instead, remember that place still exists and you WILL be coming home. So! Spend your time soaking up EVERY memory of Peru." My first thought was, "Well, I do speak the language here so that's not a problem." Of course, I'm far from fluent, but every day the barrier slips further and further away.

We've started speaking only Spanish at suppertime. Funny, it's actually become harder with each evening. Maybe it's because we're running out of topics we can discuss easily, or maybe we're trying harder and harder to speak fast so it ends up in a jumble. Either way, it's been a fun way to bond with the locals. They appreciate that we care so much about learning their own language. Plus, I've started reading a book in Spanish. It's slow work, but for the most part I'm understanding it without stopping to look up every other word.

During a downpour in the city central.

The teens here are becoming more and more of a comfort and joy. Dana and Kaylita keep me sane. Miguel is ALWAYS ready to help with anything and everything...even if it means cleaning the NASTY bathroom that is rarely used. Jose consistently reminds me to practice volleyball and encourages me with comments of "Esta bien, Brooke!" when I make a fool of myself... pretty much every other minute. And Amado is faithful at making fun of me and cat calling me. He's such a flirt! ;)

It's incredibly uncommon for women to shave their legs here. In fact, people judge you more for shaving your legs than for just letting the hair grow. This has been weird for me to get used to. A couple of weeks ago, while we were watching the boys play soccer, Dana asked, "Do you cut the hair on your legs?" "Yes." "But why?" she asked slightly concerned. "It's normal in my culture for women to shave their legs." "Do you HAVE to?" She said it as if she'd suddenly realized the United States was a terrifying country. I giggled, "No! You don't HAVE to, but it's usually expected."

I talked with Mama Laura for over an hour the other day as we hung in hammocks. I enjoy talking with her because her Spanish is so easy to understand, and she has such a happy laugh. "Mi Brookecita linda," she says when she hugs me. She and Papa Henrry both seem to listen to my heart and that has been a beautiful blessing.

The cobwebs that are LITERALLY EVERYWHERE don't bother me much anymore. They're a normal part of life and at some point I had to accept that. I still don't appreciate the humidity, but my face no longer swells up and turns red like a homegrown tomato. I'm pretty sure I have a semi-permanent parasite living inside me, but I no longer get very sick. Praise God! Graceful is not a word one would use to describe me dealing with stomach issues.

Brandon, Mama Laura, Myself, and Ashley

So, yes! I'm easing into the culture bit by bit. For a few days I was even thinking, "Three months left? Only THREE months left. Oh! How painful it will be to leave." And yet, oh! how dreadfully I miss my own home. I've had several dreams of coming home and surprising everyone... or them surprising me. The dreams are so vivid, too. Sometimes I think they're real.

We been having problems with robberies around the neighborhood. (Don't worry. I feel thoroughly safe. The staff here make sure we are well cared for and protected.) A couple of weeks ago some members of the neighborhood caught one of the gang members who is involved in the robberies. Since the police are easily bribed little justice has been dealt, and people had had enough. They beat the young man with machetes and threatened to burn him alive. TRUE STORY! Spoiler: They decided not to burn him, but they DID cut off part of his ear.

So just as I'm starting to feel like perhaps this new country holds a part of me after all, I'm reminded again just how different life is here. It's so weird. We have stores in town that can ALMOST fool you into thinking your home. They have air conditioning, modern clothing, and all that jazz. And then you hop in your motorcar, drive past homes that have dirt floors, no toilets, and cardboard mattresses and arrive home to a neighborhood that beats people with machetes. It messes my thoughts all up like a fruit in a blender.

A few of my English Class girls.

I know I say this often, but it's truer each time, I am SO BLESSED by my people back home. I wish I could express just how much you have helped me through this year. You may think I'm the missionary, but truly, you are too. So many of you have faithfully ministered to me throughout this adventure. To Danielle who sends me letters so long they require a cup of tea. To Ben and Adam who faithfully check in on me, pray with and for me, and send me funny jokes or encouraging worship thoughts. To Christopher who reminds me that my friends care about listening to the good AND the bad. To Tobi, Aggie, and Nicole who have sent me letters planning how life will be when I return. To Leroy who reminds me I'm "not forgotten and still loved." To Nuegie who asked if I was okay after I failed to write for a few weeks. To Miss Kristi who sent me a whole package full of allergen free chocolate. And to many, many others, YOU have been my greatest blessing of all.

I miss being close to the heart of this community, it's true, but your love has strengthened me. You have reminded me that God's ministry is completed from all over the world, at home and abroad, through mission years and through care packages. THANK YOU, thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Until next week, that's what's in my pocket. Love to all.

~TBS~