Two Weeks Back
I've tried to write this post a few times now, but every time I sit down at the page my brain goes blank and my feeble understanding of my thoughts scrambles again.
It's been good to be home. Oh! So good, and oh! so strange.
Reverse culture shock hasn't really been a problem, but I HAVE been locked up in my house for quarantine, so I haven't really had time to experience the outside world. When I DO take a drive into town (who knew driving to the grocery store for grocery pickup in the car could be such a weekly highlight?), anxiety hits and my body tenses. But, who's to say that's reverse culture shock or a natural reaction to being confined for days at a time.
I miss the local Peruvians something fierce. I miss Miguel's laugh, and Papa Henrry's teasing. I miss Mama Laura and Janina's food. I miss Keylita's hugs, and even the constant badgering from Andres and Caleb.
But, I can't say I miss the humidity. Not. At. All.
Mama attending to her bees. I'm thankful we have the outdoors.
I talked to Gloicer and Nancy a couple days after returning. "Ecuador has it bad," said Gloicer. "They're laying their dead in the streets because they have no other option." My heart hurts heavy for the Ecuadorians.
I talked with Mama Laura on the phone the other day, too. "Mi Brookecita lindaaa!" she said. "Yo te extrano. I miss you, but I think it's good that you made it out of Peru when you did." I talked to Papa Henrry on the phone, too. "Pucallpa has 14 cases of COVID now," he told me. "How?" I asked. "The country has been soo good at keeping people in quarantine, and Pucallpa didn't have any cases when I left." "I guess Pucallpa has had cases all along," he responded. "But they only just got testing capability in our region."
Yet there's happy news, too! Mr. Bingley is doing well. He has become a great mouse hunter. He gifted a mouse head for Janina's bed. We all laughed hard when Papa Henrry and Janina retold the story. He purrs often. I miss him.
Walla Walla University has been really great at making sure that their returning SMs have had support even through social isolation. The other student missionaries themselves have been a huge encouragement to each other. "We'll get through this together," seems to be the general theme of life right now.
I've longed for years to have this much time to read and write, and yet, somehow I'm feeling a bit paralyzed at the moment. My brain feels too numb to write, and too chaotic to read. Journaling might help, but I've always struggled with keeping up a regular diary. I know, that's probably strange news coming from a writer. I have deep cleaned and rearranged my room. That has helped a little.
I miss my friends dreadfully, but I'm growing weary of talking over cyberspace. I want to give them all real, legit, honest-to-goodness hugs. I know this isn't breaking news for anyone, but it's still truthful news so it should be said.
I curled my hair and did my makeup today. It's funny how much of an emotional boost simply dressing up can be.
Some days you just need to dress up and pretend like life is a bit more normal.
My family is FINALLY off the super strict quarantine measures that have kept us locked in so assuredly the last two weeks. We still have to be careful, but we have a tiny bit more freedom. Mom and I will make a much needed Costco run this afternoon with masks. I'm nearly giddy with excitement. Help! I like being alone, and I'm going crazy. I truly, truly feel for the rest of you who don't appreciate it as much in the first place.
"We're living through history right now," Mama tells her history students. "Of course, we do everyday, but this will be remembered." She encourages us to write our own primary source documents. Somehow that revives my sense of adventure a little.
I'm not scared. Not really. But, my head does feel a bit weighed down with so much... living through history. There is just SO much to process, so much to hope for, so much to accept.
Hang in there. We'll get through this together.
~TBS~