Growth Is Messy
The number one piece of advice that I was given in regards to reverse culture shock was to “Remember it’s OKAY if you don’t adjust back right away. Be gentle on yourself.” It’s easy to assume that after returning home, even from an extended stay in a foreign country, we have the ability to slip right back into what’s normal.
I’d read a lot on what to truly expect, and I was ready to be slam dunked with an immobilizing confusion after returning home from Peru. And, you know, it didn’t happen. Oh! I was confused, and tired, and unsure how to relate to people, but overall it wasn’t QUITE as bad as I assumed.
That being said, the last few months have been odd. Everything has felt completely off. Yet, in a way, life felt so familiar that it WAS hard for me to have grace with myself for the things that weren’t quite right. Looking back, I think the depression I’ve experienced over the last few months has been related to simply getting my bearings again. But, sometimes it was so subtle I couldn’t see it.
I didn’t mean to drop off from my blog. In fact, I had every intention of pushing through and detailing what reverse culture shock was like. But, it hit weird, and I didn’t know what to say. Growth looks different in different seasons. Sometimes my thoughts threaten to combust inside my brain, and the act of writing them down eases some of the tension. There is a reason people say it’s good to journal. But, sometimes growth looks different. Sometimes you need to ride the wave without forcing yourself to analyze it.
This has affected the blog. That isn’t what I had originally pictured, but I’m also not going to apologize for it because growth is growth. 😀 This wave isn’t over, but I THINK I’m coming up for air. Thank you for bearing with me.
COVID has been a beast all it’s own when it comes to settling back in. I’ve had a lot of people say, “I can’t imagine dealing with reverse culture shock ON TOP of COVID.” But, I can’t say it’s been all bad. I mean, I have not loved this virus at all, but as far as adjusting has gone, I think it’s been beneficial.
The lack of routine and quarantine isolation have been a… bug-a-boo. Am I right? Yet, I think they’ve helped me out a bit. I needed time to get my sea legs back. I needed time to adjust to basic things like clean water, a dry climate, and solid infrastructure, without jumping headlong onto the treadmill of American lifestyle. I haven’t loved life lately. Have any of us? But, parts of me that haven’t felt right for a looooong time have healed and come to life.
Ahhhhh! Why is growth so messy?
OHHH! Funny thing! Has anyone else longed for face-to-face connection these last few months only to find yourself hesitant to actually make social plans once it was possible? Has that happened to many of you? Or is that my culture shock finally showing? It makes sense, I guess. I come back from living in a foreign culture for seven months, only to come home and be locked away from society. It makes sense that my brain is saying, “Woah! We haven’t done this for almost a year. What do we do? How do we act? What culture are we? What have we learned? What stories do we tell? Which stories still hurt too much?”
I have felt so thankful for my friends who have continued to check in despite separation, for the people who have been willing to listen to my ramblings, and for the friends who have been intentional about getting me outside. THANK YOU!
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In other news, it’s been good soul-food to have the opportunity to communicate with my Peruvian family over FaceTime.
While the United States is starting to catch a breath, Peru keeps getting pushed under the water. Their quarantine began before anywhere in the States, and it’s been MUCH stricter, but it doesn’t seem to be helping. Shortly after I was evacuated out of Peru, Pucallpa received their first COVID tests. That Amazonian city hasn’t fared as well as everyone predicted.
Twelve cases and zero deaths tsunamied into 500 hundred deaths in Pucallpa alone. People were dying in their houses, too afraid to go to the hospital for help. Of those who did end up in the hospital, 80% died. As of one week ago, there was an average of 70-80 people dying PER DAY. (Information gathered from my local Peruvian friends).
The compound where the AMOR Projects clinic is located hasn’t been left unscathed either. Papa Henrry, Nancy, Gloicer, Mauro, and likely others have all had COVID.
However, PRAISE GOD, they have recovered.
Also, more good news! The end of Peruvian quarantine is likely far off, BUT Mama Laura FINALLY made it home. Her one week trip to visit her mother turned into three months, but she is home safely. Praise God!
Thank you for continuing this journey with me. ❤
~TBS~